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Dwarves

Page history last edited by Tim 16 years, 6 months ago

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Dwarves

In the Elemenstor saga, Dwarves are very similiar to their Tolkienesque counterparts in most other fantasies. However, there are some differences.

Culture

Dwarves are excellent at nearly all varieties of forging, mining and brewing. This is because Dwarves are naturally predisposed to being obsessive. They will sometimes go for days without food or sleep in an attempt to get their work done. Of course, no one can spend all their time like this. So every sixth week, the festival of Krakajak is held. While to Dwarves, Krajajak is an enriching, defining, and spiritually uplifting experience, to all other races it looks like a cross between an enormous week-long drug binge and a temple orgy. This makes Dwarves one of the fastest breeding (not to mention polygamous) races of Battal. This is handy, as Dwarves aren't terribly good at making sturdy mine props. The same sort of approach is used in Kranakakrak, the Dwarven art of war. All the obsessiveness into crafting perfect swords and jewels is focused into lopping the enemies head off. This means that a Dwarven army resembles several thousand whirling balls of metal and fury, prominently featuring the dwarven combat art of Axehammery.

Dwarves are fairly politcially savvy, mainly due to the huge amount of wealth their mines and smithies produce. However, the one constant thorn in their side has been the comparatively small group of renegades located in Old Lost Dwarf Kingdom Beneath Some Mountains Somewhere, which is isolated from the other kingdoms and does not participate in trade or treaties. Whenever the Dwarves try to strong-arm someone into doing what they want, they just say "Fine. We'll just get our steel/jewels/epic swords from Old Lost Dwarf Kingdom Beneath Some Mountains Somewhere."

Wandering

When Dwarves enter their adolesence (age 54-67), they feel an overwhelming urge to visit the wider world, or as they know it, the Overground. Nearly all Dwarves met in the Elemenstor Saga are wandering. While not in a state of either Kranakakrak or Krakajak, they attempt to do as much of both as possible.

Dwarf Women

Dwarf Women are not described in the Elemenstor saga or its various properties. When pressed, Tycho Brahe muttered darkly about his ex-wife.

Longevity

A Dwarf can typically be expected to live about 850 years before expiring of what one might term "old age" although certainly it is not unusual for a dwarf to do himself in before that, sometimes explosively. There are of course a few notable exceptions to the upper limit of dwarven life span.

Government

The Dwarves are fairly autonomous, but they are technically led by the Forge-King, and their capital city is Grothondogrim.

Cuisine

Dwarven cuisine is noted throughout the realms, as they devote every bit as much care, precision, and manic obsession to their food as they do to their weapons and their warfare. The basic ingredients are root vegetables, a domestic rabbit-like beast called a Nurbilak, and a variety of spices, most of which are processed, distilled, or otherwise concentrated to the point where most other races purchase them as poisons. Dwarven cooking, if the consumer survives, is considered a unique experience. Most non-Dwarven epicures recommend making a stew from a bite-size piece of Dwarven cuisine and a large pot of chicken broth. (Serves 8-10)

Alcohol

No discourse on Dwarven culture would be complete without at least a passing mention of alcohol. Alcohol is part of a dwarf's life from his first sip of his mother's milk. Dwarven milk is 40 proof. From there it only goes up. Dwarven 'beer,' while technically made from hops and barley and therefore beer, is 60 proof, and dwarven whiskey is their own personal gift to alcoholism (and industrial solvents). Dwarves rarely drink less than a stijn at a time, defined as a container large enough to wear as a hat*. A yajuk is large enough to quench a battle axe in, and a jagil bigger than a yajuk but smaller than a gifr, which is large enough to bathe in (see The Griffled Duck). A beznov is not so much a measure of volume as a measure of how much raw alcohol it takes to make Dwarven women hot.

The most potent alcoholic beverage was created Grammabad Fireblood, who called it the Hierarch Hammer. He downed a pint, belched, and the ensuing alcohol fire killed 50 of his kinsmen. It is beleived that even the most foolish of Dwarves will not often dabble in Ridiculously Alcoholic Beverages, however this opinion is often changed after a few dozen gallons of normal Ale and the ritual Dwarven challenge of Dormadund. This challenge consists of slamming down some coins on a bar, presenting the challengee with something disgusting or dangerous to consume, and spouting the phrase: "I dare ye!"

Sadly, this leads to the fact that Acute Alcohol Poisoning is not as rare as it should be among such a hardy folk. The festival of Beadbeerbeard, featuring parades, guady beads, copious amounts of drink, and partial nudity does not help matters.

Pantheon

Calendar

Dwarves strictly adhere to the Dwarfish Calendar which is different from the regular Ronardian Calendar used by the rest of the world. The months have the same names as the standard Battal 6, but the weeks are only 7 days long. Each day is named for a god of the Dwarven pantheon.

Rivalry

Dwarves hate Elves. They have no problems with Witch-Elves, which to the uninitiated is confusing, but to most makes perfect sense.

Note

The two goddess days which end the week are "days of rest" for the Dwarves, known appropriately enough as the "week end days." As Thursday evening marks the end of the work week, "Thank Thurskurk its Thursday" (TTIT) is of course a popular expression.

*stijn often double as helmets for dwarves on the go.

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