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Bathtub Furniliars

Page history last edited by Tim 15 years, 1 month ago

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Bathtub Furniliars

Generally considered a rarity if not outright mythological, Bathtub Furniliars did not play any known role in the history of Battal until around the time of the Hierarch Wars. For the most part, prior to the Hierarch Wars Bathtub Furniliars were mentioned almost exclusively in jest.

This is because, as those few who actually had encountered a true Bathtub Furniliar could attest, Bathtub Furniliars always come across as mentally and emotionally unstable. This should not be taken to imply that they were considered dangerous like their Nightstand brethren; rather, those few Bathub Furniliars in existence clearly lacked some vital piece of sentience, as though the Stream Elemenstation and Transchanting used to animate them didn't quite finish the Bathtub's mind.

The Elemenstor Cycle, Book 3 briefly introduces an unnamed and off-kilter Bathtub Furniliar, but it is not until Book 11 that the terrible truth regarding Bathtub Furniliars is uncovered by the Elemenstor Zuumont.

What Zuumont Learned *Spoiler Warning*

In Book 11, the Elemenstor Zuumont travels to Myrkmoom because he has been hearing unsettling rumors about the ultimate fate of some of his missing comrades; specifically, most of their bathtubs have gone missing as well. It is there that he encounters the Dark Elemenstrix Kapybara and her Dark Toilet Table Furniliars along with a confirmation of his worst fears--the presence of a large number of Bathtub Furniliars.

Before the battle (which Zuumont barely survives) ensues, the canny Elemenstor manages to elicit a boastful monologue from Kapybara in which she reveals the ancient secrets of the Bathtub Furniliars. First, she explains that for some unfathomable ( or perhaps Unspeakable ) reason, Transchanting a Bathtub Furniliar always results in Furniliars that are deeply and irrepairably emotionally flawed. Each is flawed in its own unique way, depending upon what sort of abuses were heaped upon the tub prior to its Transchanting; some are frighteningly preoccupied with the various kinds of filth poured down their drains, others exhibit a disturbing capacity for voyeuristic perversions, still others express a vague and frightening desire simply to "be filled." These flaws run so deep as to cripple the Bathtub Furniliars mentally as well as leave them with the emotional maturity of a small child.

This oddity was noticed but considered innocuous by Elemenstors for millenia. What went unnoticed--as much by the Bathtub Furniliars themselves as by the Elemenstors who created them--was that Transchanting a bathtub always resulted in the creation of a Free Furniliar. Whether this was a side-effect of the Furniliar's diminished mental capacity or just another bizarre exception to the usual ruleset, Kapybara could not or would not say.

What she would say was that, through careful and often personally degrading manipulation of their damaged emotions, Kapybara had won the devotion of every Bathtub Furniliar she could find. She had then instructed them to infiltrate the washrooms of her most powerful enemies and drown, crush, or outright swallow those who opposed her. In exchange for this service, she promised the Bathtub Furniliars unlimited indulgence in their various fetishes.

Zuumont realized that, even though the Bathtub Furniliars were not Dark Furniliars in the truest sense, they had fallen under the influence of Carry and Dark Elemenstation despite the Stream that animated them. With much sadness in his heart for his lost friends and for the tragedy of the fallen Furniliars, Zuumont destroyed them and fled.

Forever after, children across Battal expressed a healthy, measured, and rational fear that in the act of taking a bath, they might get sucked down the drain.

Other Appearances of Bathtub Furniliars

It is worth noting that a voyeuristic Bathtub Furniliar was the focus of the ElamenSTAR episode "A Hot Bath." Although many of the canonical shortcomings were accurately depicted in this episode, purists complain at some length that this episode downplayed the deep tragedy of Bathtub Furniliars by oversimplifying their plight. The ending was considered particularly offensive when Zula "helped" the Furniliar by acknowledging its "crush" on her and explaining that while she couldn't requite the Bathtub's "love," she would still like to be its friend.

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