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Wizbit Trap

For the Sega CD, Saturn, later ported to PC. An early entry in the abortive genre of so-called FMV (full-motion video) games. The goal of the game is to protect six young women in a remote villa from the evil intentions of dozens of Dark Elemenstors. It, along with the Grand Theft Wizbit series of games, became on object of derision for the ongoing video game ratings controversy.

Wizbit Trap was a full motion video (FMV) game released in Japan and later ported to America. Originally titled "Elamensutaa Girl's School!: Is The Sorority House On Fire?"

The Japanese version was blatantly marketed as a dating game with strategic elements. The American version, the first Wizbits game to be rated T, was marketed as a "counter-stealth strategy title with RPG elements."

Both versions of the game tell a similar story: the main character is an Elemenstor assigned to guard a sorority house for up-and-coming Elemenstors. Besides the main character and the obligatory grizzled old male mentor (vaguely inspired by Harbinger Portent), the characters are all attractive young women vaguely based on numerous popular female characters from the novels. The female characters are all played by minor Japanese pop idols and range in character from "helpless, squeeky, and hyperactive" to "helpless, squeeky, and icy." Most American fans complain the Japanese voices are unbelievably irritating; the Japanese fans, naturally, found them all "super kawaii ^_^".

Beyond the dating elements (carried out in the day), the night sections of the game concern setting up traps for Dark Elemenstors attempting to "accost" the girls in the school. Defeating the invaders requires the player cycle through viewscreens, observing the "super kawaii ^_^" action on-screen and activating traps before the Dark Elemenstors enter the same room as the victims. Should that occur, the characters have to defend themselves in tactical-RPG-style combat; each gal has her own skills and abilities, but most are thuroughly boned if they're captured alone (rather literally in the Japanese version).

It goes without saying the game isn't canon. Beyond the relatively generic nature of the setting, there are a few references to technologies that aren't present in the books (such as air conditioning and certain higher-technology marital aids).

The American version is heavily edited to get it down to a T rating; the Japanese version was only for sale to adults. There was a briefly-lived petition in America to bring over the unedited version; when the head of the petition actually played an uncensored copy, and immediately renounced 1) the petition, 2) his faith, and 3) for reasons hard to understand, his trust in the Dewey decimal system.

Characters

• The Nameless Cur. The default name for the main character, who is largely a blank slate for the player to project upon. While the player's name is often mentioned in the text, the voice-acted script conveniently evades having to say his name. In the tactics sections, he has the widest number of gears, and can strike his helpful gears on any character on the map, even those he can't see.
• Sarah Secondhandyn. The equivalent of Serafina Haberdasheron, she is the calm and submissive blonde girl with rediculous assets, designed to be the "ideal woman," at least as seen in a near-medieval sense. She is almost unnervingly subservient to the main character, to the point where the translators of the game went out of their way to give her a spine in the English translation. Interestingly, she can take an obscene ammount of punishment, making her a tactically-useful "trauma spongue" for the others.
• Lupae Hope. In an odd twist, this version of Lopae of Hopea was redesigned to be a swinging Latin beauty. She's the token "agressive" one, meaning that while she is approachable, she's likely to playfully bruise a few organs during each interaction. Despite displaying almost psychotic lack of care for the well-being and holistic blood-still-in-ery of others, most characters simply think of her as "spunky." She's the best at melee combat, and setting her up for a close-range confrontation often ends with the Dark Elemenstor pounded into a lovingly-rendered meaty paste.
• Estelle Zenel. Mirroring Ekezenthal's fall and hard-won escape from Dark Elemenstation, Estelle is a gloomy Gothic-Lolita dabbling in Ye Arts So Dark. Unlike Ekezenthal, however, she doesn't spring back from the black arts as much as fully immerse herself in them and wear progressively lacier costumes. Oddly, s he seems aware of her presence in a dating game, and makes frequent jabs about the Namelss Cur as though he were a player. She can summon monsters and raise zombies to stay her enemies' progress.
• Ana-Amilianabella. One of the Buxom Succubi of Darkrend Mountain, she "ironically" dressed as a "sexy nun" or in a CENRA costume, supposedly to show she was reformed as a monster, but generally to appeal to the fetish crowd. The most openly sexual of the female characters, making up for this by interspeeding her disturbingly childlike nature with blatant sexual "innuendo" as subtle as a hammer. In tactics, she can drain energy and sow seeds of sexual discontent amongst her fiends.
• Milia Tiramisu. One of the Ice Princesses of Northarbor, Milia Tiramisu was a dessert-themed young lass with an affinity for frilly waitress costumes. Dating her involved putting away plenteous ammounts of delicious sweets. The easiest character to shack up with. Early copies of the game had a "taste-o-vision" gimmick, which came with a large peripheral to simulate the taste of her food; a tragic factory accident replaced the taste of all the food with actual, rather large servings of Syrup of Ipecac. It has become fanon that Milia is an emetophiliac, and is thus the least popular. In combat she can save her Elemenstation Points by baking deliciious goods.
• Ambie Villa. A wandering lass supposedly only dropping by the school to further her studies in Elemenstation before moving on. The hardest girl to get, as part of dating her requires convincing her that settling down and being a housewife (the latter is not an optional part of the package) is better than willy-nilly adventuring without a man. The second-least-popular of all the characters, if only because many find her transformation from bird-flipping wunderkind to an effective clone of Sarah Secondhandyn mildly to critically horrifying (comparisons to the final chapter of "1984" are surprisingly common). In combat, she has the widest movement range and can clear several rooms at once.

Quotes

The Nameless Cur

• "..."
• "!"
• "?"
• "8===>"

Sarah Secondhandyn

• "Pleased to meet you! My name is Serah Secondhandyn. I'm blood type AB, a Capricorn, a D cup, like to sit around in the dark and quietly think about what I've done, and cut myself to feel better. Is there anything else you'd like to know?"
• "Oh, you're a mess! I suppose it's time for a gratuitious visit to the hot springs, as I can't see any other way this could work out."
• "Well, that did hurt, but I'm sure if I hold it to the stump, it'll grow back together."

Lupae Hope

• "Hey, bitch! I hope you're ready to get smashed in the head!"
• "Oh, come on. That looks like it barely hurt! See, because that should have destroyed the nerves around the impact sight."
• "The only option we have now is violence." - Discussing what to do after visiting all the exhibits at the Culture Festival.

Estelle Zenel

• "It's just a little black magic. It's not like it's going to damn your soul any more than, say, chronic masturbation."
• "Eyes of the Zombie!" (strike) "My zombies see four Dark Elemenstors, entering the women's dorm room like you only wish you had the testicles to do."
• "It's true. You've won me over completely. I guess I'm sorry about implying you lost your virginity to a propane grill."

Ana-Amilianabella

• "Oh, you're so sweet and huggable! I'm gonna grind you like beef."
• "Hey, baby! You got girlfriend, Ezermethalon? Well, baby..."
• "Oh, you've spilled coffee on your lap! Wanna copulate?"

Milia Tiramisu

• "Don't you love my cherry sorbet?" (inevitable projectile vomit) "Oh! What did I do wrong?"
• "Oh, all the gods! There's a Galmuuk-Beast breaching the outer walls! I... I guess I could make some pies..."
• "I am the physical embodiment of hatred! I am the slayer of time!"

Ambie Villa

• "Shut your damn insorbtion tunnel, you vagina-insorbing genitivore!"
• "Well, I never thought of it like that."
• (slightly slack-jawed vacant grin)