Back to Calendar

Wank Calendar

The Wank Calendar is the calendar used nearly exclusively by the Wanks. It is an amalgam of an old fighting year, and the Wang year count (the Wanks deny this latter portion heavily).

Year in Wank Calendar has nine months:

• Hayodu, or month or the Yellow Snow
• Aiemkey, or Month of the Red Moon
• Wachawaching, or Month of the Great Horse
• Nosomuch, or Month of the Iron Rooster
• Wanagotome, or Month of the Taco Shell
• Nah, or Month of the Shaft
• Shutyepiehol, or Month of the Hole that you Put Pie in.
• Schlong, or Month of the Bag
• Huyuhaidin, or Month of the Spinning Cat

Each month has fourty, or forty one days. There is no leap year. the months are divided into four wankdays, or weeks, each wankday being ten days long. The names of the days are:

• Workday
• Farmday
• Builday
• Learnday
• Killday
• Assimilateday
• Smithday
• Droppantsday
• Worklongerday
• Prayday

And at Hayodu, and every other month from then on, there is additional Funday, when there is much rejoicing, and pork and bacon are being grilled.

This all seems perfectly reasonable. Unfortunately, months, weeks, and years do not happen consecutively but rather based on an order determined by a large constantly transforming scattered spiral flow chart.