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Theory of Specialist Relations
The Theory of Specialist Relations was developed to answer many of the unanswered questions of Battal with a minimum of fuss. The Theory goes something like this:
Given a topic or question X, take an individual D. Let D be an expert on X. There exists a relationship between you and D such that D knows a hell of a lot more about X than you do. In fact, D can say any damn thing he likes on the subject of X, and you will be unable to argue with him. Therefore, for any query into any sufficiently erudite topic, D has the ability to abruptly end the query.
Frequently, invocations of the Theory are accompanied by the phrase "in accordance with the Theory of Specialist Relations" or the abbreviation Q.E.D., which stands for "Query Ended by D". People who employ the Theory of Specialist Relations in this manner are known as Specialists, and are frequently not invited back to parties.
There is some debate as to the meaning of the term "sufficiently erudite" in the the context of the Theory. Most specialists agree that any subject that can be described as common knowledge does not fall under the domain of the Theory. The Theory only applies to obscure subjects and questions that would otherwise remain unanswered. Many people who are not considered Specialists hold the opposing opinion that "sufficiantly erudite" is actually a synonym for "esoteric horseshit."
The Theory was developed by the great human intellectual Elbhart Ynsteine. It should not be confused with his Theory of General Relations, which states that the liklihood of an individual partaking in intimate relations is generally the inverse of the amount they exercise the Theory of Specialist Relations, according to Ynsteine's "Scale of Being a Pompous Ass". This theory is considered "general", as opposed to "absolute", because Ynsteine himself was excepted from it.
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