Back to Famous Weapons of Battal

The Staff of Condescension Toward American Tourists

This staff enables the user to talk down to American tourists who didn't take the time to learn proper Japanese greeting methods. It was supposedly forged from a block of wood accidentally granted power by Char Reyarteb, keeper of the Starborn Gem, although this was never proven due to Onthalos the Mad's accidental manipulation of Timenes during "The Epic Lunchtime", one of the five Creased Periods hidden in The Tablecloth of Timeness.

The Staff caused some comment when it was first mentioned in ElamenSTAR (in the episode A Tall Thin Bat with a Big Fat Problem). After all, Lander and Professor Dervmont were in Quilpopolis, not Japan. And the mountain in the background was obviously Mount Wor, not Mount Fuji. So what explanation could there be for the animation suddenly freezing and the two characters (although their voices had clearly changed) talking about how "the staff is very condescending to American tourists". There's not even a "Japan" or "America" anywhere in the convoluted history of the Hierarchs. Even Tycho Brahe never went that far!

There have been all sorts of crazy fan theories put forth to explain the lapse in continuity. Some believe that "America" and "Japan" are just code for pre-existing places such as the Wang Kingdom. Others think that the references were left in for a potential spinoff ("The Four Wizbits in the Real World"). There was one memorable post on Usenet where somebody tried to prove, using computer analysis, that the "staff" in question was actually not a weapon but the "staff of the hotel" where the production company was staying, and that the dialogue was actually somebody complaining to the concierge about the snootiness of a bellboy. This theory is obviously false, and most people have just shrugged their shoulders and tried to forget about the continuity glitch.

When the episode aired as part of The Wizbits Cartoon in the US (as "Professor Dervmont's Big Date!"), the section about the Staff was cut out. Unfortunately, the part about the Epic Wolf Man dying in a pool of his own blood was not, leading to the episode only airing once in America.