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Quotable Quotes

This section is for posting memorable quotes from the ELotH franchise that have stuck with you throughout the years. Perhaps you still use a particular turn of phrase among your friends, perhaps you have an old T-shirt or bumper sticker with this phase on it.

Canon Literature

"epic-er is better." -- old adage

"Ever since the dawn of time man has yearned to destroy the Sun." -- Toward Daybreak, Act II

"WTH !" -- Loltragg the Confused, Book 4

Harbinger Portent was sad, for he had just lost his favorite hat... and it was snowing. -- The Elemenstor Cycle Book 1 The Fires of Mount Windice

"Well, it turns out my descendants from the far-flung past hid it on an ambulatory landmass to preserve it from the Giant Meteoric Cow." -- King Zonard

"Elebdenam!" - the so-called "Elemenstorial Exclaimation" spouted by various Elemenstors throughout the cycle in times of rejoicing or triumph.

"Mommy!" - Serafina Haberdasheron, Book 5.

"Hooo boy! You stink!" Jack Joyless to Wolfgang Apprentice.

"Why is everyone so surprised that I'm still alive?" - S'yrf'yl the Immortal, Book 9

"Tell me more of Elemenstoring, Dogus," cooed the soggy bar-maid. "Tell me more of the furniture and the glory." --from Book 6: Nightstand's Peril

"Accursed mountebank!" -- Ekezenthal, upon learning of Ray Charebet's treachery in The End of the Heirarch Wars

"And in the speaking from whence the Hierarchs circumpredicated their existence, were the first Words of immortal beings 'Behold the Four Vales, for verily they art pleasing/havst been pleasing/willst be pleasing to Ourselves.'"

--Weighty Tome of Elemenstor, verse 4

"A flash of lightning tore through the tumult, illuminating the grizzled Elemenstor and his ambulatory dresser." -- Book 1, officially the first line of the series

"A flash of lightning tore through the tumult, illuminating the grizzled Elemenstor and his ambulatory dresser." -- Book 13, officially the last line of the series

"As the fireflies danced lazily in the twilight, the samurai turned to leave, naturally as if moved only by the breeze. The corpses of his enemies were no more to him than the dry grass." --Good Things, Many Devils, Oriental Tales of the Wang Kingdom

The ghastly pallor of a man approached the bartender, and with leering menace, placed his hands atop the counter. "I, Vhadxi, Dark and Evil Vampyre Lord Supreme, ruler of Blackest Minathok, require the use of a donkey." -- Book 7

"None can stand before the Rhaja Lord, for he is as an evil wind, blowing away the chaff of the world." -- the Rhaja Lord to Propitious Opportune before their climactic battle in Tales of Yorn Appendix D, A Chronicle of The Burnten'ed Times by Ulfulaz the Historian.

"Now it is the time for you to die." -- Char Reyarteb, Book 10 (much cooler sounding in context)

"Don't point that staff at me, you stupid b-tch!" -- Last words of Maskatoo of the Old College, Book 11

"Listen, if you're evil you have to have scars or a horrific background. You have neither, so you are not evil. I say the closest you come to being evil is the smell." -- Last words of Thad Obor, The Dawinesque Awards

"What is the secret ingredient? All of them!" High Culimancer Bertrick, Book 3

"Bigots, eh? I hate bigots. No reason, really. I just hate them. You would do well to do the same." -- Char Reyarteb to Maskatoo in Book 11

"This one time, in Wizard Camp, I partially dematerialized my ambulatory and enchanted Credenza. Do not suffer amateur Elemenstorations lightly. They shall be the death of us all." Lord Scranton Stufflebeam, Second Level Enchanted Alchemical Joiner, Broken Stool: Alchemical Boogaloo

"And King Ronard said: 'Lo, there shall be a chicken in every pot, ale in every cup, and wenches in every tavern!'" -- the Chronicles of the Magic Sword Kings 1:17

“According to the Guild of Free Traders and The Allied Troll and Ogre Door Guarders and Footmen Union I should be paid in goats and silver. This is an outrage. Until further notice, I’m on strike.” Barry the Door Guarding Troll, Book 8

"Died?? Died?!? You think Harbinger Portent died, man? You know what? Char Reyarteb is Harbinger Portent. That's what they don't want you to know, man! -- Glowert the Paranoid, Book 8

"And let's just give it a little test--and a one-and-a-two-and-a" Last words of Blacksmith Smithy Blackfinger of Skyfinger

"Woah! Looks like we're out of milk. I'll be right back." last canonical words of the Pixlie Bibee in Book 1, before she leaves the series forever.

"What would Ronard do? common folk saying throughout the Tides of Epic Conflict Saga

"Seriously, I didn't even realize it resembled that until someone pointed it out to me." ~The Memoirs of High Elemenstor Alice Phallus, pg. 36

"Well, at the very least, I don't know." Noddy Chillbreezey, Book 9, on the Unknowable.

"Yam Eaters? People who eat yams? By the cream below my pants you shall not rest until they have permits!" The Hyacinth Emperor, Return to the Epic Sicklemire Dilemma

"Ha ha ha! By the next moon, all people across the Sickle will know the name of Hopebane! ...wait, they already do? Well...maybe they'll know it better or something. Look, I can't stop my plans just because I'm already famous or anything! Damn, how did they manage to know my name so soon? Am I that obvious a villain? Maybe...maybe you could go out and distract some people so they can forget the name of Hopebane for a while? Could you?" Lord Hopebane, to Lopae of Hopea, Hopebane's Gambit

"Prosecutor Grumuffle: Were you or were you not twiddling the Magical item?

Lextor the Vextor: That depends what you mean by twiddling...." ~ From the Trial of Lextor the Vextor in Book 2, see Law 323

"Driven by rage, I subsist on revenge; dine upon those epicurean desires my own dark predilections indicate," said the dark figure. It was not the pale, gaunt features of this man that gave young Elemenstor Dern chills, or the calm brutality behind the dark figure's eyes that made the pit of his stomach flutter with fear. It was the nightstand. The nightstand that ambled, quite casually in fact, up to take a subservient position beside that dreadful man where, to Dern's abject horror, it purred, ready to obey. -- excerpt from Book 13 and a Half

";;;;;;; ;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ; ; ;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ;; ;;;;; ;;; ;;;;" The Ambiguous Stranger, Book 13

"After a while your enemy becomes too complex. After that the only way to defeat them is to truly know yourself." -- Throbald the Somewhat Addled, in a somewhat less addled frame of mind

Come on in, I've got good stuff and you'd be wise to buy! Zik, the opening line of Tales of the Forever Road

I'm sick of being the nice guy and being taken advantage by every passerby! The next person who thinks he can cheat me out of something is going to receive a severe thrashing! an enraged Ghithik the Thick near the end of the third-to-last chapter of Tales of the Forever Road

If it isn't my old friend Ghithik! How are you? Have you seen the ring or the hat lately? Prowish at the end of the third-to-last chapter of Tales of the Forever Road

I don't know about you, but where I come from we solve our problems with violence! The Rusty Knight.

Nobody steals my trombone...nobody... The Rusty Knight.

"Wait a second... Reyarteb... Reyarteb... Has anybody noticed that's Betrayer spelled backwards??" -- Mordichai Alamede, Book 12

"They are tiny, and they are tasty. Talking does not change this.", Gavment quoting the famous saying about the Drainberry to Steppy in Book 4

"Enchanters abhor a plain sword." -- Common saying in Battal.

"Know that this day, I shall kick you in the Ronards!" -- Last words of Clavicus the Flatulent

"If you're feet go out from under you and the clouds above you suddenly start racing by... You might be sundering." -- Comedian Jernockelance Foxworthy doing his famous how to detect a sundering schtick

"You're nothing but a big angry Mucksucker!" Bibee to Horatio in Book 1.

"I asked for some Kitten, but all I got was some larval cat." - Nelf the Vague Spoken

The Wizbits

"Alright gang! Let's kick it into overgear!" -- Lander, from any episode of the The Wizbits after Season I

"We ponezored joo!" -- Said in unison after defeating many enemies during Season 1. Later dropped due to parents complaints. (see: lleetish)

"You pulled what out of where?" -- Penny to Skip on numerous occasions.

"You take the fatty, I'll beat the demon snake." -- Skip to Penny in an unfortunately phrased battle strategy.

"WIND!" -- Zula whenever they did that hackneyed extended reverse-angle shot of her pseudo-hadouken maneuver.

"Ooh, those Wizbits roil my boils!" -- Warchief Bogg, whenever he found his plans thwarted.

"annoying laughter" -- Hallau, Zula's Pink Fruitbat, anytime anything remotely humorous happened.

"Porn Ninja will strike back!, Lander, mocking the assassins.

"I can eat glass; it does not hurt me." -- the famous Lost Moral.

"What the Quilp?" -- Lander, at random points throughout the series.

"A penny saved!" -- Penny, frequently after being saved, but sometimes at random.

"Gosh! I could sure go for a donut milkshake!" -- Doodle, in any episode in which asian-looking cuisine made an appearance.

King of the Epic Wolf Men: HaHaHa!!! WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW!!!

Professor Dervmont: Right over there.

Quilpo: 'sup?

- Episode 206, "Professor Dervmont's Big Date!"

Misc ELotH Quotes from other sources

"Come to look at the Frogs, Stay to Eat the Frogs." -- promotional material for the small kingdom of Frogginham

"Oh thank LL'Chomber I got here in time! That looks like a nasty wound!" -- Last words many hear when spoken by Extremely Elf I'den in the ELotH comic book

"Elementics, my dear Gearstriker." -- Shilo Hartsel at the end of most Shilo Hartsel Stories

'"My god..." thought Haklid, "what have I become?", as he brought his sword through the robot's chromium skull.' -- Who Watches The Wizbits? by James Langomedes

Buddy Oak: "There are so many questions I've always wanted to ask you! Could someone wearing The Fantastic Top Hat stretch their dinky also? And hey, since Furniliars can have genders, doesn't that mean they have dicks and muffs? Where do they keep them? And do you think Cubby is hard all over? I mean really all over?"

Tycho Brahe: "You know, I think you ought to get some help. You seem to be really hung up on Furniture sex organs."

- Bazaar-Rats

Real World Quotes

"It's a big world." -- Tycho Brahe at Elemenstorm '99

"I need money." -- James Langomedes in a rare interview with Rolling Stone

"It's not nonsense, Jerry! There are fucking dyemons in the film!" -- James Langomedes to key grip Jerry Mitchell on why he was burning the film for The Wizbits episode 0201.

"Quote me as saying I was misquoted by someone else." -- We've No Idea.

"What is this crap? I never should have hired that Ghost Rider!" - James Langomedes at the Who Watches The Wizbits? debut party, apparently disgusted at the non-arrival of a Marvel Comics-themed motorcycle entertainer

"Revenge, as far as I care, is sexy."--James Langomedes, in an interview with Playbill magazine

"..." -- James Langomedes, comatose, reacting to the James Langomedes Candlelight Vigil gathered outside his hospital bed.

"This is a serious fantasy work. The fact that you don't know about it is actually kind of a compliment." --Tycho Brahe to Gabe, before the release of The Fires of Mount Windice

"... generally behaved like a little Hitler" -- documentarian James Burke, on Tycho Brahe.

"cheese fork payphone" -- the ambiguous last publicly spoken words of James Langomedes.

"You little bitch, I'll rip your guts out, wear them as shoes, and kick your GIANT ASS with them! -- Tycho Brahe

"People have asked me what I've been up to since Star Wars, and, uh, this... this is it." -- Mark Hamill, on his involvment with The Wizbits cartoon series. (unconfirmed)

"How did they turn my friendly little card game into THIS?!" -- Kazuki Tajiri, Original creator of the entire franchise on Book 13.