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Lord Scranton Shufflebeam

Lord Scranton Stufflebeam is a Second Level Enchanted Alchemical Joiner and Head Shop Wizard of The Quiet Brotherhood of Enchanted Carpenters and Associated Crafts, QBECAC Local 4223. His mysterious and somewhat melodramatic nature leads to spasms of baffling advice, often misunderstood and unheeded until too late. His physical appearance is "...somewhere between a coat-tree and a cunning turnip."

Lord Stufflebeam is however, a master carpenter of those Magical Companionable Fixtures known as Furniliars and "...at discount rates, so tell your friends young Elemenstor!" Because of his highly tuned ability to "...really lie to those Allsouls like crazy," a critical part of forging new Furniliars, Lord Scranton Stufflebeam has learned to repair them as well. In his youth he was referred to as "The Fork Tongued Dove-Tailer."

Lord Stufflebeam first appeared in Broken Stool: Alchemical Boogaloo, a book as over-hyped as it was maligned. He is called upon to repair a Sentient Stool that was severely damaged by the forces of Slurverb the Dark Raffle-Master, at the Fields of Lame Jim, the Sacred House Cat. "A fine job with really keen biscuit work," was done and soon the adventurers could return to their quest with their powerful stool and a few new tricks too!

Stufflebeam's famed penchant for transchanting three-legged stools was predicated upon a geas, an inviolable covenant, that he never eat anything that tasted like an apple. He was dealt a dolorous blow by Crabnath of Tsuburushi when Crabnath donned The Inside-Out Cardboard Hat of Maltorian and baked seven hundred and twelve appleberries into a pie for him. However, when Stufflebeam sacrificed Crabnath to the qlipphothic Pahkmaan in the fan story "Marquesa Misclequince and the Recliner of Botany", it was in retaliation for an unrelated pie-baking incident.

A Lord Scranton Stufflebeam Fan Club was eventually started, but members are universally unwilling to use their real names on official or unofficial documents.