Back to Professions

Holy Baker

The Holy Baker is the spiritual leader of the villages of the peoples of the Nearly Flat Mountains of Urgel. The communities are called together on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays (it is not known why the peoples of the Nearly Flat Mountains use the Dwarven Calendar) at Four Hours and Twenty minutes past high noon. The Holy Baker then takes a sphere of Stickius Ickius (colloquial: Purple Hazeweed) and thrusts it into the flames at 4:20 exactly. They then inhale the smoke produced and this allows them to commune with the Gods of Battal, who typically command them to eat snack cakes or jerky or chips. In addition, they advise the Holy Bakers on the direction of the Battalion community in general, which typically stipulates that the populace should continue to expand cultivation of the Hazeweed, which has become the major cashcrop for the region, gaining mainstream market share in Battal, and developing in the black market of other realms.

The nature of the Holy Baker's revelations from the Gods is a highly guarded secret among the people of the Nearly Flat Mountains, and the verity of this experience has recently come under attack from outside sources. Elemenstrologists have recently begun to attack the underpinnings of this religious system, articulating a scientific explanation of how Hazeweed affects the brain by causing hallucinogenic materials to revolve around sense perceptors. This theory of revolution offers an alternative view to that of Godly designs. Holy Bakers, meanwhile, maintain that this explanation is merely a theory, and should only be understood only as a possible explanation of how it works. In the schools of the Nearly Flat Mountains, children are taught both the "theory of revolution" as well as that of "clever schematism," which holds that the Gods must have deliberately and cleverly designed a schema for interaction through the hazeweed.