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The Great Pasta Purge
By Lincoln Elmore
The Story Behind The Story
An unauthorized work by famed cook book author and food historian Lincoln Elmore, in his one forray into fiction. The Great Pasta Purge takes place in the yearicles around year 4,000 (TMSK), and includes many canon ELotH primary, secondary, and tertiary characters. Although never authorized or recognized by the holders of any ELotH licenses, there is a body of fan fiction that has taken the events of this story and embroidered them with additional details, as well as continuing events started here throughout the timeline.
The Story *
Stemming from an unfortunate macaroni-based accident which befell the Magic Sword King of the time, Lenord the Intentionally Aggravating, the Great Pasta Purge was a holy crusade sanctioned by the kingdom against all things rigatoni. We learn about the purge as Harbinger Portent, the Unsunderer, reminisces fondly about his schooldays in the midst of fierce battle.
The Great Pasta Purge has been divided by scholars into three main phases, the Linguini Squabbles, the Cannelloni Crusades, and the Carbonara Crisis.
The Linguini Squabbles
The Linguini Squabbles were a misunderstanding surrounding the nature of macaroni, linguini, and the appropriate court ettiquette surrounding their consumption at the court of the present Magic Sword King. What began as a civil argument rapidly degenerated to a food fight of epic proportions. When the pasta settled, three courtiers were dead, several servers had been suffocated to death with meatballs, most of the court was suffering from savage spaghetti lash-burns, and the kingdom was in a state of civil war.
The Canelloni Crusades
The Canelloni Crusades saw the apex of inhumanity during the Great Pasta Purge. As all sides developed increasingly powerful pasta-based weaponry, the potential for destruction became increasingly unthinkable. At one point, several factions had developed garlic-based sauces capable of wiping out entire hamlets, and the 'Pesto Option' was exercised on several occasions. (But denied after the fact by all parties). Levitating Pasta Fiends were used in increasing numbers as technology and recipes for their use were rapidly improved.
The Carbonara Crisis is the widely accepted term for the six days leading up to the end of the Great Pasta Purge. As losses mounted on all sides, a group of leaders from several factions met in private, sampling many recipes and forging consensus on a variety of issues. The results of this concord, published as the 'Pasta Protocols', have governed most civilized pasta usage up to the events chronicled in the most recent book.
Canon References in the Works
* This is a conglomeration of the information found in the novel, as well as the authoritative fan works that are considered canon among the pastamenstormers.
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