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Epic Fantasy Warrior Quest: The Ball of Utmost Roundness

The first game in the award-winning Epic Fantasy Warrior Quest videogame franchise, it was one of the most-played games of the '80s.

The game was released on the Game Boy Color in the US in 1996 under the title Wizbits Worlds to avoid infringing on "Epic Sexual Warrior Quest", an unrelated erotic pen and paper RPG usually remembered under its later title, "Panty Raider".

The US release featured improved graphics, and the ability to save the game instead of writing down a lengthly 80-character password system whenever one wished playing. Lonely Otaku who still didn't get it complained this "wasn't true to the original vision", and loudly complained that the "original was betteru!" in a broken mix of english and Japanese.

Despite its great sales, the original release was a finanical loss for Phonics. They overproduced the game so much that copies of it had to be glued together to construct much of Phonics' second Kyoto headquarters. Although they have moved out since merging with Cube-phonics, the so-called Ball Building is still seen as a "NEW historical landmark" in the city.

Another updated version was released on cellphones in Japan last year. This version was altered so that the player mostly chats with the various NPCs about what boys they think are cute.

Story

The excerpt below is makes up 1/3rd of the story related dialogue in the game:

"A Black Dragon stole a princess and the Ball of Utmost Roundness. We're not sure what the ball does. Problably something cool. If not, the ball's still pretty and could tie the room together. Oh, and bring the princess back while you're at it, descendant of Rothgar."

Trust us, this was much more impressive in 1986.

Later remakes named the protagonist as Alphonse the Whiny and set the actual events of the game on the west end of The Shield and concluding on The Land Without so Many Damn Non-Elves.

The game is notable for being the first to introduce the Fluddle to the franchise's pantheon of monsters.

Gameplay

There are only 4 towns, 4 dungeons, and 12 different items. In randomly generated battles (of which there are many), there are only 4 options: Fight, Fire, Item, and Cry. Only 3 of the gameplay command options ever did anything.

Characters

Party Members

• Alphonse the Whiny: A descendant of Rothgar who has no actual dialogue within the game. The only thing we can assume is that he is indeed, whiny, unless his title was given to him by someone who enjoyed irony. Alphonse is a Fire Elemenstor but the game is easier if one neglects this skill to build up his swordplay.

Other Characters

• Dralock: A dragon from Cynzard, the land of dragons, who became insane with power after discovering his powers of Elemenstation. He desires to take over the world because the other dragons picked on him because he was littler than them.
• Princess Winnie: She's a princess. Dralock took her. Why? Who cares. Get her back.

Trivia

Nintendo Power had a review for the game that was scathing:

Character design for the game was performed by Naoko Takeuchi, the creator of Sailor Moon. However, her character designs seemed to have absolutely no influence on the art actually seen in-game.

There was controversy over a so-called "Hot Ayle" cheat in which Princess Winnie would disrobe, allowing the player to maybe possibly see nipples and pubic hair if one had really good eyes resistant to being damaged from staring at tiny pixels at a TV screen for 10 minutes.