| 
  • If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.

  • You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

View
 

Distraction of the Corpulent

Page history last edited by Tim 15 years, 12 months ago

Back to Literary Criticism

The Distraction of the Corpulent

The Distraction of the Corpulent was an critical essay written by "Doctor" Bennerich Felchem warning that convoluted fantasy worlds and the collectible card games associated with them would cause a severe economic recession by wasting the valuable time of the nation's electrical engineers. He went further to allege that Wizbits Elemenstor Battle in particular promoted an immoral worship of bedside furniture, concluding that the series was ultimately "teh ghey".

Specifically, he alleged that Cubby promoted metrosexuality, and along with the radio signals in his brain, was part of a marketing plot on the part of Pottery Barn to increase unncessary living room accenting. Other coherent threads in his 18,000 word post cover the phallic nature of the 100 Swords of Sepathok, flouride in the water, and secret images in the cover art revealed only when exposed to monkey feces.

The essay was not taken seriously at first, as it was only published as a post on alt.sex.furnies. Felchem was discredited even further when a simple internet search revealed that he had no credentials in economics, engineering, or sociology and was, in fact, a chiropractor. However, Jack Thompson, a lawyer for the American Family Association, found the essay "inspirational", and used it to urge then Florida Governor Bob Martinez to see if the collectible card game was obscene.

From the resulting controvercy, the Collectible Card Game Code Authority (CCGCA) was formed. They created a tertiary card-content-rating system, after Elemenstors of the Peninsula voluntarily banned 37 cards with "objectionable content", including the Staff of Intrinsic Misogyny, Chastity Belt of Unmitigated Agony and Anorexxia's Blessing. Naturally, this caused the value of the banned cards to skyrocket.

A small anti-censorship group was formed in opposition to the Authority, known as the Gamers 'Gainst Censorship Global Trust (GGCGT).

Comments (0)

You don't have permission to comment on this page.