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Bogyn's Nastiness Scale
Bogyn's Nastiness Scale is a tome written by the famous Dwarf explorer R'kakr'kaka'kazak Bogyn. It contains an entry for every creature that Bogyn ever encountered, giving it a points value for its features. The points are added up to give every creature a 'Nastiness' rating, ranging from Harmless to Imcomprehensibly Nasty.
The scale has been criticized as "simplistic" in that it communicates very little about the creatures in themselves. For example, a fully-grown Ambulatator is a very different thing than a Boar Man; while one is devastatingly destructive but largely sterile, the other is crude, violent, disgusting, but can potentially be trained as a henchman. These critics miss the point of the scale, which is more about communicating with maximum efficiency precisely how much danger you have just stumbled into. Thusly from Book 6:
"By the
Hierarchs,
Doric, what foul thing have we stumbled upon? How shall we ever escape!?"
"Be of good cheer, my man," the knight responded calmly. "This lot is a 14 at best--nasty, but by no means unmanageable."
--Taken from Book 6, Nightand's Peril
Conversely, one might hear their companions saying something foolish like, "Oh, aren't you a cute little thing?" Shouting "Watch out that harmless looking forest creature is more dangerous than it looks and may be hungry for your blood or even your soul!" might take too long. Simply shouting "Really nasty!" or even "That thing's a twenty-nine!" or "IT'S OVER NIIINE HUNNNDRRED!!!" is much more likely to save your friend's life. Also, Bogyn's Nastiness Scale is a vital reference for parents who dread the words, "It followed me home, can I keep it?"
| Note by Pete: I managed to obtain a very old and very shabby copy of the third edition of the Creature Enchiridion (the only version with Bogyn's scale printed on it) that had many of its pages missing, so this list is pitifully incomplete. Any help would be very much appreciated indeed. |
Ratings
| 5 or less |
Harmless |
| 6-10 |
Not Very Nasty at All |
| 11-15 |
Nasty |
| 16-20 |
Quite Nasty |
| 21-25 |
Very Nasty |
| 26-30 |
Really Nasty |
| 31-40 |
Really Very Nasty Indeed |
| 41-65 |
Horrifically Nasty |
| 65-115 |
Nastiness Incarnate |
| 115+ |
Incomprehensibly Nasty |
Criteria
A note on stacking: there is no hard-and-fast rule regarding the stacking of points. Basically, count no particular feature more than once. For example, "no pupils" stacks with "red eyes," but "pointy teeth" does not stack with "big pointy teeth."
Physical Characteristics
|
Eyes |
Teeth |
Coverings and Appendages |
Size |
Special Abilities |
| +1 |
+ Shifty Eyes
+ No Pupils |
|
+ Scales |
+ Tubby |
+ Emits Light |
| +2 |
+ Black Eyes
+ Compound Eyes |
|
+ Long Tongue |
|
+ Hermaphrodite |
| +3 |
+ More Than 2 Eyes |
|
+ Bald (humanoids only)
+ Goatee
+ Claws
+ More Than One Tongue
+ Wings
+ Odd Number of Limbs |
|
+ Flying |
| +4 |
|
+ Big Teeth |
+ Has Exoskeleton
+ Shell
+ Scary Armor Costume |
+ Can Change 1-2 Size Classes |
+ Resistant to Magic
+ ESP |
| +5 |
+ Red Eyes |
+ Pointy Teeth
+ Sharp Beak |
+ Bat Wings
+ Stinger
+ Spines
+ No Discernible Head
+ Horns |
+ The Size Of A Horse |
+ Poisonous
+ Breathes Something Other than Air
+ Shoots Projectiles or Otherwise Expels Fire, Acid, or Similarly Damaging Substances From Its Mouth, Nose, Eyes, or Other Miscellaneous Orifices
+ Visible Aura
+ Abnormally Strong or Intelligent |
| +10 |
+ No Eyes, but Somehow Sees Anyway |
+ Big Pointy Teeth |
+ Tentacles
+ More Than One Head
+ More Than One Mouth Per "Head"
|
+ Size of a House
+ Can Change More Than 2 Size Classes |
+ Deadly Excrement
+ Lifespan of 70 Yearicles or More
+ Visible Internal Organs, Ewww
+ Metamorphic
+ Nonsolid Body |
| +20 |
|
+ None, but its alternate method of digestion is unspeakably gastly |
+ Tentacles with Eyes
+ Tentacles with Teeth
+ Tentacles with Pretty Much Anything, Tentacles Are Bad Enough On Their Own |
+ Larger than a Windmill |
+ Undead
+ Invisible
+ Teleports
+ Regenerates
+ Nigh-Invulnerable
+ Extensive Psychic Powers |
Habits and Behaviors
|
Diet |
Mannerisms |
Destructive Tendencies |
| +1 |
|
|
+ Ruins Gardens |
| +2 |
+ Eats Carrion |
+ Annoying Voice
+ Drools
+ Burps |
+ Burns Things |
| +3 |
|
|
|
| +4 |
+ Eats Meat |
+ Nocturnal
+ Smells Bad
+ Excessive Slime
+ Urinates as a Defense Mechanism |
|
| +5 |
+ Drinks Blood
+ Eats Valuable Objects |
+ Deadly Voice
+ Steals Things |
|
| +10 |
+ Spit-Roasts Food
+ Eats Brains |
+ Looks Like a Hot Man And You Happen To Be Into That Sort of Thing, Not That There's Anything Wrong With It, But Only Desire To Use You for Some Horrible Scheme
+ Stealthy
+ Travels in Groups
+ Highly Territorial |
+ Molests Things
+ Explodes Violently on Death
+ Can Destroy Small Buildings |
| +20 |
+ Can Eat Really Nasty Creatures(atleast) but still thinks you're delicious
+ Eats Souls |
+ Uses Tools
+ Looks Like A Hot Woman And Say They Want To Know What Is This Human Thing Called "Love" But Only Desire To Use You for Some Horrible Scheme |
+ Can Destroy Castles, Walls, and Other Large Structures
+ Collects Body Parts |
| +30 |
+ Can Devour Mountains and Cities Alike |
+ Looks Like A Hot Woman But Infact Is A Man |
+ Tendency To Pursue Legal Action
+ Harbinger Of The End Times
+ Can Crush Kittens Without Feeling Bad |
| +50 |
+ Devours Planets |
+ Thinks crushed kittens make a tasteful scarf
+ Is Such A Magnificent Killing Machine It Inspires Epic Badasses To Fall To Their Knees And Weep,Then Promptly Kills Them |
+ Thought To Be Only An Epic Legend At One Point But So Terribly Is Not
+ Destroys Planets |
Mitigating Factors
|
Appearance |
Behavior |
Pleasant Bonuses |
| -1 |
+ Fuzzy
+ Cute
+ Snappy Dresser |
+ Can Be Trained To Guard Things |
+ Edible
+ Hatches From Eggs Because Let's Face It, Live Birth Is Really Messy, Gross, and Painful
+ Can Be Used For Clothing |
| -2 |
+ Under 2 Feet Tall |
+ Purrs Happily When Stroked
+ Grooms Self
+ Eats More Annoying Or Nasty Creatures
+ Good With Children |
+ Gives Excessive Experience When Killed
+ Makes Satisfying Squelch When Stepped On
+ Tastes Like Chicken |
| -5 |
+ Prettily Colored |
+ Willing To Buy The First Round
+ Can be Trained to Do Amusing Tricks
+ Can Use the Toilet |
+ Drops Really Neat Loot
+ Smells Like Cinnamon
+ Possesses Medicinal Uses
+ Magical Product Component |
| -10 |
+ Looks Like a Hot Man And You Happen To Be Into That Sort of Thing, Not That There's Anything Wrong With It
+ Lacking a Primary Sense That Is Not Compensated For
+ Lacks An Important Body Part That Is Not Compensated For |
+ You Can Borrow Money From It And It Forgets To Ask For The Money Back
+ Allows People To Ride It
+ Sings Pretty Songs
+ Herbivorous
+ Can Be Used as a Weapon |
+ Possesses Healing Magic
+ Gives Bonuses As A Familiar
+ Highly Susceptible to Magic |
| -20 |
+ Looks Like A Hot Woman And Wants To Know What Is This Human Thing Called "Love"
+ Lacks Most Senses
+ Lacks Multiple Important Body Parts That Are Not Compensated For |
+ Poops Out Gold or Equally Valuable Object
+ Grants Wishes |
+ May Not Even Exist
+ Is Actually Dead
+ Has an Easily Accessible Weakness
+ Self Destructive With No Collateral Damage
+ Is Such A Magnificent Killing Machine It Inspires Epic Badasses To Fall To Their Knees And Weep, And Is Then Slain Renewing Their Resolve to Better The World, Beat People Who Are Weaker Than Them, Or Bedding Cheap Wenches |
Discussion
| Weren't there a creature that happened, totally by coincidence, to match up with all of Bogyn's Nasty Factors. And another one that matched up with Bogyn's Mitigating "Good" factors? |
| I believe so but I don't remember the name of it. |
| Its probably for the best, if there is a Harbinger of the End Times which can Crush Kittens Without Feeling Bad whilst having a Tendency To Pursue Legal Action, I don't want to know about it. |
| No, you're thinking of Bogyn's Polymorphs and Bogyn's Metamorphs. |
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