elothtes :: Bertrick's Easy 30-Minute Brownies (full)

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A quick and easy way to impress friends and foes alike, the recipie for these irresistable brownies (based off of the popular canon recipe from The Elemenstor Cycle, Book 9) was released only with the rather expensive Bertrick's Easy-Bake Culimancery Set. Unfortunatley, because so few of these ovens were actually sold, and because the company that made these ovens gained so little money from the endevor that they immediatley went out of business and were unable to sell replacement mixes, once the package of brownie mix that comes with the set is gone they are impossible to make. No one has yet been able to determine what the mix contained as to make such unbelievable brownies, but theories have arisen that the powder may include rather large ants.

Note: Adult supervision recommended, as oven's lightbulb can be DANGEROUSLY HOT, and carp can be DANGEROUSLY ALIVE!!!

Ingredients

• 1 Package Bertrick's Easy-Bake Brownie Mix
• 1 1/2 Cups Cooking Gin (water will do instead, if you're a wuss)
• 3 Cups Salted Butter, Melted
• Half a carp, blended (fresh is preferable, either front half or back half will do.)
• 2 Cups Cane Sugar
• 1 Cup Brown Sugar
• 1/2 Cup Salt
• 3 Tablespoons Splendar Brand Sweetener

Procedure

• Plug in oven. (Remember, there is no possibly dangerous "on" switch.)
• Mix Brownie Mix, gin, butter, and carp in a mixer, until smooth and creamy.
• Mix both sugars, salt, and Splendar in a separate bowl.
• Slowly add sugars from previous step to mixing bowl.
• If mixture froths, slow mixing speed.
• Pour well-mixed batter into provided brownie pan.
• Insert into Easy-Bake Warmer, wait 3 days.

Obviously, the "30-minute" part doesn't apply to the cooking time. It's possible that the recipe was originally supposed to be completed within 30 minutes, but even the freshest carp don't blend that quickly. The only part of the procedure that could take that long is the "Slowly add sugars" part, but the few people who have made these brownies report that thirty minutes of pouring sugar is an intolerable wait.

These brownies must be administered with caution: not only do the eaters usually (violently) demand more, the high salt/sugar/fat/Splendar content usually causes either a heart attack or stomach ulcers within 5 minutes. Survivors say it is completely worth it, and will often spend thousands of dollars attempting to replicate the mix's contents.