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Tales of Yorn, Appendix F: Timeline of the Blood Wars

In a world stricken with timeless battles and bloody conflicts... the Blood Wars was another one of those. It is difficult to tell exactly how long the Blood Wars lasted, for as it is said in this (supposedly in the words of Ulfulaz the Historian himelf):

(Coupled with the chidings of Duane, who offen asserts that Ulfulaz is a "mincing arseholder", this passage is used as evidence by some "el-slash" writers that the aged historian is gay. The relations that these writers have depicted betwixt him and the talking lance, however, have absolutely no foundation in the canon... and are also totally gross.)

Anyway... though the timeline that Ulfulaz puts forth for the Blood Wars is referenced in the years of the, as he puts it, Realm of Landiness and Worldings, with a bit of Waterousness, it is difficult to know how long the Blood Wars lasted from the perspective of its participants, as the magical nature of its origin and existence is (literally) quite cloudy. It is suspected that its enchantments contain a liberal dose of the unpleasant unsubstance, untime.

The Timeline

• 942 - The Kingdom of Yymp falls to the Vampyre Armies of Vhadxi. The simple denizens of this land foolishly look to him as their new leader, instead of just running away to the next kingdom that is likely to be decimated by him, as most other folk of the Twelve Kingdoms had done.

• 942.5 - Two peasants named Bim and Pinkle come to the Vampyre Lord with a grievance. A satchel of coins has been discovered by them while Bim was ploughing a field using Pinkle's Ox-Pig. Each of them have claimed the coins, and they ask Vhadxi to decide who is the rightful owner. Vhadxi seals them away in his dungeon, telling them "I have to go burn down what little there is to burn in Ithbarg. Let me get back to you on that."

• 951 - Lord Vhadxi returns from Ithbarg to find that not only are Bim and Pinkle still alive, but even more denizens of this conquered realm have come to plague him with their troubles. He locks them in his dungeon as well.

• 963 - Vhadxi is tiring of his offensive in The Land of Thrown Fish, and decides to amuse himself by taking advantage of the authority the peasants of Yymp seek in him. He enchants the disputed coins, as well as a wooden chest and key. He locks the coins in the chest, giving them to Pinkle. He gives the key to Bim. He tells them that they, and all of their relatives, must war upon one another to resolve the dispute. Additionally, all other disputes of this nature must be resolved by the plaintiff and defendant choosing either the faction of Bim or Pinkle, and joining the fight. Whenever one faction wins the key, all disputes shall be considered resolved.

• 979 - This new system of conflict resolution gains an enormous amount of acceptance from the peoples of Vhadxi's conquered lands. However, the constant civil war is a bit distracting to him. Deciding to take out his annoyance on the lands of Yymp, Vhadxi uses his arcane magics to cover its low elevations in a thick and constant fog, and probably adds untime to the mix (because that's the sort of dark lord he was). He then declares that "all the wars of grievance shall heretofore be moved to the enchanted Mist Sea, which I have enchanted. I'm awesome." There was much rejoicing.

• 1,003 - The Vampyric Wars end, and the rule of Vhadxi is broken. However, nobody in the Mist Sea hears about this, and the fighting just keeps on going.

• 1,006 - Heroes of The Wandering Age learn of a "War Without End" being waged in Yymp. Because it sounds like the sort of epic and legendary thing they'd like to have on their resume, would-be adventurers flock to Yymp to join what becomes known (for a time) as "The Neverending Warring". This sets civilization back approximately 2,000 years.

• 3,006 - Civilization wakes up, blinks its bleary eyes, and tries to pick up its clothes and sneak out quietly. (note -- I don't know much about Gaelic, but I'm told this is the most literal translation from the source material)

• 3,512 - The Kingdom of Yymp is reformed, and Vhadxi's dispute resolution system is not only maintained, but made a formal element of its governance.

• 3,956 - The Blood Wars finally escalates to the point that it starts spilling out onto the neighboring countryside, causing massive devastation. Lenord the Intentionally Aggravating declares that he shall bring his lands back to order, declaring Operation: Neverending Warring, which lasts 73 years.

• 4,029 - Operation: Neverending Warring comes to a close, and becomes quickly forgotten after Harbinger Portent begins making his mark in Mandleclang with his knack for magic, and a hilarious hypnotist stage show. Ventriloquism also becomes very popular for some reason.

• 4,229 - King Sc'rch'drth, in an amazing display of historical ignorance, renames the conflict of the Mist Seas "The Blood Wars" and declares that all disputes within his Kingdom shall be resolved within its raging torrents of strife. Surprisingly, the number of disputes throughout his kingdom exponentially increases.

• 5,882 - The Great War of Magiks and Things comes to an end. Nobody in the Blood Wars is particularly impressed. One of Pinkle's ancestors manages to pick the lock on the chest and free the coins. Because there isn't much to really spend the money on, nobody is particularly impressed by that, either. The coins and chest are discarded.

• 6,041 - The Blood Wars get out of hand again, and King Blontyak declares and wages the War of the Blood Wars. He mistakenly launches several campaigns into Grammelgrap, which it turns out is nowhere near the Blood Wars. Due to this mistake, the land of Portund becomes (even more) devastated, and is reduced to (even more) of a mud-pile.

• 7,952 - The War of the Blood Wars comes to an end, as the raging torrent of war once again falls below the Mist Sea. During the massive waves of war, the enchanted coins that started the conflict became lost over all of the Worldyland. Nobody notices.

• 9,825 - Several armies get inadvertently swept into the Blood Wars during some other somewhat less epic conflict. The extreme chaos that ensues becomes known as The Smotening.

• 10,435 - The Sundering happens. Nobody in the Blood Wars seems to notice. One of Bim's ancestors recieves the magic key from his father, who tells him the story of Bim and Pinkle. He feverishly attempts to tell his family so they might end the conflict, but nobody really cares about that either. Over 8,000 years shall pass until one of Bim's ancestors finally has a bright idea.

• 18,512 - Yorn's father discovers the chest and key that hold some of the power necessary to bring an end to the Blood Wars. He takes them and his family away from the Mist Sea, hoping against hope that he might find a way to end the... er... endless war.

• 18,519 - Yorn's father, like his predecessors, totally forgets about the key and the chest.

• 18,526 - Yorn, being a much more astute lad than his father, manages to unite the chest, key, and coins, forever bringing the Blood Wars to a halt. Unfortunately, he didn't know much about Vampyres starting the whole thing, as the ending of the spell killed almost everyone below the Mist Sea.

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