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Agash

A popular game among virtually every race and faction of Battal, dating back to The Magic Sword Kings Period. Accounts that it was invented by King Ronard himself, while considered apocryphal by the time of the Four Underdogs, are not impossible. Certainly King Ronard was known to play the game (indeed, is known to have died playing it). Though rarely played by followers of Ronardity (as they understand the dangers), its historical persistence and wild popularity are directly attributable to their widespread and entirely free distribution of the Chronicles of the Magic Sword Kings. The game is specifically preached as one surefire path to Vigorous Aliveness (and, by association, an excellent inspiration of lulz). It is also occasionally associated with the philosophy of Bloodlustiness.

To the uninitiated, a good game of Agash looks rather like two hopelessly inebriated, completely naked circus performers throwing deadly objects at one another while screaming inarticulately, occasionally interrupting their revelry to charge wildly toward each other before resuming what closely resembles a murderous snowball fight with knives instead of snow.

(Speculation that this is in fact exactly what killed King Ronard, and that the "game of Agash" was spun from whole cloth in an attempt to preserve his legacy, is wholly unfounded and severely frowned upon by disciples of Ronardity.)

Basic Rules

Setup

As detailed in Book 3, Agash is traditionally played between two people, though multiplayer variants are known to exist in some regions. Both participants remove all armor, clothing, undergarments, jewelry, hairpieces, et cetera--Agash is played between two people as the Hierarchs intended them. Enchanted tattoos of a protective nature are considered highly unsportsmanlike. The playing field may be virtually any environment, so long as two distinct "sides" can be discerned.

The participants square off at a number of paces--generally twenty, but children often set that number to ten as a sort of "targeting handicap." An equal number of bladed, spiked, or otherwise pointy implements may be placed anywhere within three paces of each participant (five is the standard number of implements as well). All implements must be at least one pace distant from any other implement. These implements may be enchanted, so long as the enchantment does not enhance the objects' ranged targetting capabilities. These implements should not be touching the participants when the game begins.

The Throwing Phase

The participant who did not issue the challenge usually gets to throw first, though in cases of mutual suggestion, a deciding round may be played first (see below). Dodging is encouraged and indeed recommended if one hopes to live through the game. The goal is to score as many cuts as possible by throwing the implements at hand--but only against the skin. Muscle, tendon, bone, cartilage, eyes, basically anything that isn't skin must not be cut. Capillaries do not count against this requirement, but major arteries and veins do. Hair does not count one way or the other. If you cut anything other than your opponents' skin, the game ends and you lose. Note that this is considered different than winning--no one wins at Agash unless all rounds (four is a standard number for short games) are played and cuts are counted (see below).

Each throw is to be accompanied by a yell of warning; it is considered sporting to yell where you are aiming ("Your head!", "Your legs!", et cetera). Once the first throw is made, both participants are free to make throws as quickly as possible until one participant runs out of implements. At this point, whoever has thrown their last implement yells "Agash!"

The Deciding Phase

When Agash is called, players must immediately charge toward one another at full speed. Whoever flinches away first loses the Deciding Phase; the other player gets to throw first next round. If neither player flinches away (they both collide) or they both flinch away simultaneously, then another Deciding Phase is played, and another, and another, until someone flinches away. If someone loses consciousness, breaks a bone, or is otherwise rendered unable to continue by the Deciding Phase, then they lose (but again, their opponent does not win).

After the Deciding Phase, players switch sides on the playing field and play continues with another throwing round--however, one's "implement pool" is limited to the weapons on one's side. Which means you have all the weapons you threw in the previous round, plus whatever your opponent failed to throw. If no implements are on your side at the beginning of a throwing round, you must wait for your opponent to make at least one throw before calling Agash.

Victory Conditions

After four rounds (a round consists of one Throwing Phase and one Deciding Phase), the game is ended and cuts are counted. Whoever has scored the most cuts against his or her opponent is declared the winner, and their opponent is declared the loser. If the game is ended early due to a disqualifying cut or other automatic loss as detailed above, there is at least one loser, but there is no winner.

For this reason, a number of interesting boasts have arisen across Battal. It is a very enigmatic and mildly threatening thing to say, "I always lose at Agash." People who always kill their opponents always lose; on the other hand, people who always pass out during the Deciding Phase also always lose. To say "I always win at Agash" is to boast of incredible accuracy, magnificent agility, and respectable constitution as well. "I never lose at Agash" could mean many things and so would be something of a non sequitur. The fact is, most of the population of Battal never win at Agash, whether they lose frequently or not.

But this is why Agash is often considered a spectator sport. The audience always wins, except for the occasional "innocent" bystander who receives wounds intended for a player. It should be noted that the injury or death of bystanders is not taken into account with respect to the winning or losing of the game. However, all implements must, after the first round, be played from where they fall. If that means prying a knife from a spectator's chest or retrieving an axe instead of giving medical attention to a wounded loved-one, so be it. Agash audiences are aware of and accept the risks associated with the game.

Optional Rules

Many regional and "house" variants on this popular game exist. The most common has to do with the choosing of weapons. On mutual agreement, players of Agash can choose to place certain limitations on the selection of implements. Obviously, it is easier to play Agash with razor-sharp, well-balanced throwing knives, shuriken, and similar implements. But the game is considered all the more amusing (if somewhat lacking in finesse) when played strictly with objects more heavy, blunt, or imbalanced--like swords, large spikey hammers, Shokurung'o, et cetera.

One extremely popular variant requires both participants to chug ale between each round.

In The Wizbits Cartoon, playing without clothes is referred to as "very old fashioned." However, in the original Japanese ElamenSTAR, the Wizbits adhere strictly to the canonical, saga-established rules when playing. Obviously the inclusion of clothes changes the mechanics of the game significantly, but for obvious reasons the non-canonical American cartoon was more concerned with American cultural norms than with canonical adherence. The nuances of this dichotomy have extended into an almost seasonal debate amongst the presiding members of the real-world Worldwide Agash Lovers' League.

Advanced Techniques

A number of advanced tactical approaches to the game of Agash do exist; indeed, King Sc'rch'drth himself is supposed to have written an expansive treatise on the subject. Sadly, despite its popularity during the Spica Wars, no copies are known to have survived The Sundering.

Most discussions of advanced techniques begin with the initial arrangement of implements to maximize rapid deployment, gaining an upper hand early in the game. The various patterns of legal deployments within a three-pace-radius circle around the player are referred to as "shapes." Most dedicated players of Agash have a preferred shape; knowledge of a player's preferred shape and technique for deployment allows one to "read" an opponent and score several points early on in the first round.

Strategies for later in the game are a little more loose, since the "shape" of the implements after round one is determined not by choice, but by where the thrown weapons end up. In this respect there is considerable discussion of playing fields--walls, for instance, keep all implements close at hand, while fields and forests can complicate the game considerably. The introduction of spectators also impacts this, as spectators may help or hinder things whether they mean to or not.

Agash in Battal

Perhaps the most famous players of Agash are the Bladebrothers, who are depicted as excellent players who love the game and revel in the Vigorous Aliveness and lulz that it inspires. The Bladebrothers are depicted as preferring to spend their free time playing Agash throughout all thirteen of Tycho Brahe's books (though the rules do not appear until Book 3).

Among the Bladebrothers, Vel Jinglefist was an acknowledged master of Agash. His only known loss was to the budding Elemenstor Zula, in the ElamenSTAR episode Welcome Home, Elemenstors!. Her intrinsic understanding of air currents doubtless helped her in this matter, as did her vapid, zen-like mindset and reed-thin physique.

Later, in Elemenstors in a Pinch!, the semi-suicidal Last Ooamp refuses to grant the Four Underdogs passage unless they defeat it in a game of Agash. Fortunately, Zula knows the game and is able to win without granting the creature's death wish. The continued agony of bitter loneliness on the part of a single Ooamp was, after all, a small price to pay to prevent the extinction of a species (and force the delicate issue of genocide on an unsuspecting viewership).

Of course, the most historically significant game of Agash for denizens of Battal is the first historically recorded one--wherein King Ronard dies and his unnamed opponent loses the game. Which is not as good as winning, of course, but at least the great Sword King himself never lost.

Agash and Dwarves

Dwarves refer to Agash as "a game for cowards", preferring their own sport of Chelfing. That does not mean however that they are not good at Agash. Their skill with blade and axe, as well as their smaller stature make them ideal players.

Agash in the Real World

Although it was almost certainly played by various fans of the books after its rules were spelled out in painstaking detail in Book 3, Agash received a lot of negative press when rumors of injury and death began to circulate after the airing of The Wizbits Cartoon episode "A Warm Welcome." The mainstream press referred to Agash as a "fantastical admixture of horseshoes, chicken, and russian roulette" which was "being peddled to children like so much crack-cocaine" through the "braindead medium" of "cheap Sri Lankan animation."

Supposedly children were attempting to imitate the game in some sort of horrific nationwide epidemic. These rumors have never been confirmed and are assumed false or possibly sealed by the courts. Either way, Agash appeared in other episodes of The Wizbits Cartoon and so the lawsuit payouts, if any, must have been miniscule compared to the television ad revenue and retails sales of Agash-themed playsets driven by the popularity of the usually dangerous, occasionally deadly, always hilarious game.

Since fans first started playing Agash in the real world, many tiny and unconnected leagues were formed. However, with the advent of the internet, many of these have conglomerated to form the Worldwide Agash Lovers' League.