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100 Swords of Sepathok

Page history last edited by Tim 15 years, 11 months ago

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100 Swords of Sepathok


History

The history of the 100 Swords is a convoluted tale of swords, deception, intrigue, swords, timesorc'ley, and, well, more swords, that transcends history and the world. The swords are the creation of the Forge-King Gragnakas. In 16,567, the legendary Forge-King Gragnakas made a bargain with King Selent the Cedricellian to forge 100 swords of epic power. In return, the Cedricellian would release the Forge-King's family. Gragnakas was only able to complete 99 of the weapons in time, however, and hid a normal blade within the set. He continued to forge the final sword, Undarhwhom, in hopes of using it to defeat Selent when he noticed the fake, but the King was unable to tell the swords apart (or for that matter, his donkey or a gash in the ground), and released the Forge-King's family.

The great swordsman Sepathok soon heard of these 100 blades, and immediately set about collecting them.

Selent had distributed many of the swords to his vassals, and lost many more to rivals in poker games. No less than 30 of the swords he swore he had with him before he started drinking the night before. After his death at the hands of the Unseen Ones, his servants and attendants fell to quarreling over the remaining weaponry, and the 100 swords were thus scattered throughout Battal.

One by one, the swords fell into the hands of Sepathok, bought and traded, stolen, and pried from the cold fingers of their previous owners. Finally he managed tracked 99 of the 100 down, forgetting only about The Forgotten Falchion. Sepathok however did gather The Plain Ol' Sword and was thus under the belief that he had all 100.

The last sword he acquired, Irony-forged Undarhwhom, was still in the possession of Gragnakas when Sepathok came for it. Because he kept the final blade, the Forge-King and his family would meet their end at Sepathok's hand; the sword he forged to save his life was the reason for his death. The year was 16,669.

Four-and-a-half centuries later in 17,119, the warrior Shezdor would attempt to claim the 100 swords for himself. During his ten-year quest he succeeded in collecting 98 of them before dying at the hands of Weird Thing, guardian of Nhek'miggon'uil. It would later be discovered that the 100th sword was buried under his house the entire time.

Rumors persist that any who can claim all 100 swords will receive unspeakable power. Such rumors invariably involve the requirement that one has "gotta catch 'em all."

On The Names of the Swords

Doubtless one who reads the list below will notice that many of the names of the swords are absurd. Remember that many of the 100 swords were never given real names until their appearance in the CCG. Because of that, fandom has given several of the swords "affectionate terms" that may seem out of place in the list. Not only that, but Gragnakas himself started running out of epic names for swords fairly quickly, so a few that we have the correct names for are almost equally light-hearted or weird.

On The Number of Swords

The indisputable canonical facts are these: King Selent the Cedricellian commissioned 100 swords epic power, in exchange for which the legendary Forge-King Gragnakas would be restored his family. The 100 Swords of Sepathok is an intentional reference to that set of swords. These swords are the "set" to which Brahe refers when Sepathok's name is invoked, though certainly Gragnakas forged more than 100 swords (and not all of the 100 Swords of Sepathok were forged by Gragnakas himself--the Blade Sword was outsourced to Master Craftsman Elscabar the Crafter of Redundancy). The swords listed here are those created to fulfill the Selent commission and are numbered in the order which Gragnakas forged them, with the possible exception of The Plain Ol' Sword.

The real-world fact is this: prior to the card game, not all 100 swords were named. Within the game, only 99 swords were named. This leaves one spot over which fans and critics spar incessantly, even though that spot is usually given to The Cardboard Tube of Unusual Sharpness and Popularity.

Thus there are in fact four instances of the 100 swords which are not always easy to reconcile as one and the same: the swords as originally commissioned, the swords as wielded by Sepathok himself, the swords as they appear in the card game, and the swords as they (incompletely) appear in the books. Of course minor inconsistencies appear when comparing the various sources, hence the confusion surrounding these swords.

In an attempt to reconcile the various renditions, some fans note that Sepathok is one of the great literary figures of Battal, and as with all great literary figures, some confusion (such as the generation of alternative names) is to be expected. Gragnakas forged more than 100 swords while under Selent's commission, making the claim that "this set of 100" comprises "the set of 100" is difficult to do. It is possible, these fans assert, that 100 is just a conveniently round number meant to imply, not exactly 100 swords, but "a whole lot of swords, around 100 (or originally commissioned as 100)."

Other fans, who usually refer to themselves as "purists," insist that such theories dilute Sepathok's epicness by attempting to bind Sepathok's tale to rational claims. Most importantly, these fans wonder, how is anyone supposed to collect the whole set with such ambiguous guidelines? They exclude certain of the swords listed below from "the" 100 in order to achieve an exact count. They also suggest that any confusion is a result of the powers of The Forgotten Falchion, Inothar's Blade of Correct Enumeration, Grince, Sword of Ambiguity, or some combination of the three.

Even among purists, there is some dispute as to whether The Plain Ol' Sword or Undarhwhom should be considered the "true" hundredth sword. In fact, there is a third argument suggesting that The Plain Ol' Sword and Undarhwhom are both part of the "official one hundred" and that it is in fact The Forgotten Falchion which is the odd blade out seeing as Sepathok never possessed it and these are, after all, the 100 swords of Sepathok.

Eventually, someone fails to suspend their disbelief and notes that the 100 Swords of Sepathok are fictional swords in a fictional world based on a fictional game (and vice versa). They sagely note that inconsistencies are bound to appear as various individuals retcon the universe for personal, creative, or monetary reasons. Most fans simply respond that such an easy answer is "no fun" and proceed with their attempts at canonical reconciliation. Such attempts are further explored here.

Regardless of how you count however, it should be noted that no one in the history of Battal ever possessed all 101 blades concurrently. (However, dedicated real-world fans can and do possess Realmworlds' Armory Presents: 100 Swords of Sepathok).

A shadowing organization known as The Brotherhood of the Second Prophecy knows at all times the location of the swords, waiting for the two to one day meet and bring about the end of time.

Note: see also Forgerye, The Non-Canonical Sword

The Swords

  1. Yakiba, the Gripless Sword
  2. Thrice-bladed Scimitar of Nebulon
  3. Excelsius, the Blade of Gods
  4. General's Demonblade of Maiming +2
  5. Arthak's Blade of Incontinence
  6. LightningStrike II
  7. Mammothblade, the 10-foot Monster
  8. Queen Shelaidrah's Letter Opener
  9. Poisondeath, the Scourge of Life
  10. Sparky
  11. Morton, the Woundsalter
  12. Antidotelife, the Scourge of Death
  13. Psionic Shard of Dissonance
  14. Vorpal Possessed Flamberge VIII
  15. Morletto, the Singing Blade
  16. Danwan's Aphrodisiac Sword
  17. Maxwell's Blade of Treachery
  18. Sultan's Falchion of Sandbite
  19. Fishwife's Darner
  20. Patois, the Sword of A Thousand Tongues
  21. Incomparable Mort's Flaming Butterknife +18
  22. Rakshi's Katana of Angst and Morbidity
  23. Heavy Metal Thunder Katar
  24. Supererogator's Sword of Swording
  25. Verisimilitude, the One True Sword of Complete and Utter Fallacy Regarding Its Power
  26. Follicle, the Blade of Unusually Rapid Hair Growth
  27. Hummingbird, the Knife of Mildly Annoying Papercuts
  28. Panda, the Knife of Moderately Annoying Papercuts
  29. Tiger, the Knife of Great Annoying Papercuts
  30. Grince, the Sword of Ambiguity (Not definitely one of the 100. Not definitely anything.)
  31. R'll'b'gsw'd, the Lesser Fourth Backup Sword
  32. Otherblade, the One That They Always Talk About, You Know, But Nobody Ever Sees
  33. Feyblade, the Sword That Thinks It's A Scabbard
  34. Tinkle, the Yellow Ice Scimitar of Urea
  35. Frostingdeath
  36. Dark Doomblade of Magical Overarching Darkness
  37. Turf, the Sward of Adjectivity
  38. D'Yablo's Demonic Device
  39. Water Moon Demonblade, the Pulwar of Very Obscure Prophecies
  40. Duke Ral-Fa's Widowmaker
  41. Enemata, the Rubber Pleasure Blade of the Nether Regions
  42. Duchess Ral-Fa's Widowermaker
  43. Iceblade, the Flaming Sword of Incongruity
  44. Slingblade, the Only Blade Powerful Enough To Avoid Its Own Trademark Infringement Lawsuits
  45. Blade Sword, crafted by Master Craftsman Elscabar the Crafter of Redundancy
  46. Lightspur, the Foe of Darkness
  47. Darkspur, the Foe of Lightness
  48. The Cardboard Tube of Unusual Sharpness and Popularity
  49. Twilight, the Workplace Acquaintance of Lightspur and Darkspur
  50. Shatter, the Glass Blade
  51. Karrath's Blade of Perfect Tone
  52. Epic Dirk of Wangtastikor
  53. Penn, the Mightier than the Sword
  54. Teller, the Sword of Silent Balance to Penn
  55. Omnisword, the One For Every Occasion
  56. Daftsword, the Peasant Slayer
  57. Skunksword, the Epicly Foulsmelling
  58. Teetotaller, the Weapon of Sobriety
  59. Blanksword, the Void Blade
  60. Phoebe, the Fifth Blade of Undueling
  61. Captain Hicks, the Sixth Blade of Undueling
  62. Timor, the Shimmering Sword of Life
  63. Gorthanc's Sword of Stories, the You-Just-Had-To-Be-There Blade
  64. Iscariot, the Khith of Death
  65. Belly Ache, the Slightly Creased Baton of Repeated Stabbery
  66. Noobinor, the Beginner's Dagger
  67. Noobinator, the Master's Sword
  68. Woe, the Thrice Drawn Sword of Anguish
  69. Yen, the Rice Drawn Sword of Consumption
  70. Brobdingnag, the Giant-sized Sword Thing
  71. Sapidity, the Tasty Blade
  72. The Forgotten Falchion
  73. Inothar's Blade of Correct Enumeration, the Miscounted Sworde
  74. Gaze, the Well Remembered, But Not Well Regarded, Glaive
  75. Pan, the Longhandled Chisel
  76. Sepathok's Scythe
  77. Shackle, the Sword of Cyclical Links
  78. Portent, the Sword of Detecting a Sundering
  79. Importent, the Sword of Detecting an Unsundering
  80. Oppugnant, the Sword of Fate Dueling
  81. Crimson Cloth
  82. Mentainious, the Freshmaker
  83. Emcee, the Hammer Sword
  84. Repugnant, the Second Sword of Fate Dueling, To Duel With The Other One
  85. Candelabrax, the Sword of Illumination
  86. K'x'k'xiqlt, the Difficult to Pronounce
  87. The Buster Sword-like Sword
  88. Swordblade, the Sword Made Up Of Other, Smaller Swords
  89. Everblunt
  90. Boredsword, the Boring Broadsword
  91. Wakizashi, the Katana of Japanophilistic Anachronism
  92. Bob
  93. Felo-de-se, the Anguished Scimitar of Wrist-Cutting
  94. Eidolon, the Sword That Makes A Sort Of Ting Sound When You Hold It Up To The Light
  95. Ichoredge, the Blade of Blood
  96. Tsuka, the Bladeless Sword
  97. Progonos, the Timeblade
  98. Holy Trigger, the Roseblood Her Majesty Yes
  99. Nhek'miggon'uil, the Sword of Redoubled Reslaying
  100. Pos, the Plain Ol' Sword
  101. Undarhwhom, the Sword Constructed Entirely of Cold-Forged Irony

Other information

It is also noted that many of the swords have strange and often times inexplicable magic powers, such as Karrath's Blade of Perfect Tone which emitted a perfect c sharp when hit with gravy, the Rubber Pleasure Blade of the Nether Regions, which usually can only subdue women, and the often unspeakable Dark Doomblade of Magical Overarching Darkness, which blinds the user.

It should also be noted that some of the swords only reveal their true power when wielded as a set. For instance, according to legend, if all three Knives of Annoying Papercuts are wielded at once, by the same person, in different hands, they shall become the BFKoAPC. Since no one has ever determined what, if anything, BFKoAPC stands for, it is often referred to as "The Knife of Ha'kxo'r." It is said that wielding this weapon (which, as a combination of three already legendary weapons, can only be classified as "Really, Really, REALLY legendary) will grant the wielder, among other things, immortality, the ability to see through walls, and the ability to kill anyone, anywhere, at anytime. It also confers upon the wielder the title of "Nah-Hoo-Buob," though no one has ever actually borne this title. After all, how can anyone hold three knives in three different hands? (ed. note: no one ever said that all three hands had to belong to the wielder, now, did they?) Also: all three hands had to belong to the wielder. (ed. note: nevermind)

It is unknown whether Gragnakas was a genius or completely insane. Possibly both.

The CCG

Only 99 of the 100 Swords of Sepathok were distributed throughout the run of Wizbits Elemenstor Battle from 1996 to 1999. Typically The Cardboard Tube of Unusual Sharpness and Popularity is considered the missing card. No explanation for this omission was ever given, but it has been assumed that the publisher counted wrong.

In early 1999 a special wall plaque was produced with slots for the 99 Sword cards. Unfortunately, due to its shape of 12 rows of 8 cards, it could only hold 96 of them. Later that year, they offered a second, smaller wall hanging to hold the remaining 3 cards for anyone who purchased the original.

see also: Realmworlds' Armory Presents: 100 Swords of Sepathok

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